GHOULGAB w/ Max Booth III

Max: Oh hi. I just got home. I bought Frank this Halloween shirt

mindy: omg
mindy: he’s so cute it makes me angry
Max: You do have a rage problem
mindy: tell me about it
mindy: that’s question one of the interview
mindy: tell me about my rage problem
Max: You’re always getting mad at dogs in outfits. Always breaking dishes. It’s concerning
mindy: boring answer
mindy: i have done zero preparation for this interview jsyk
Max: Okay I’ll lead you then
Max: What are you getting out of working for ghoulish so far
Max: How do you feel this has gone so far
mindy: no wait that’s an interview of me
Max: Gabs can go two ways (like most streets)
mindy: this is still your interview
mindy: you can’t trick me into being gabbed

mindy: hello max booth
mindy: thanks for letting me interview even though i didn’t know until yesterday that your book was coming out tomorrow
Max: You’re doing a take two!
Max: So this is how the magic happens
mindy: no i’m just trying to get this trainwreck back on track
mindy: (this is where you say yeah hi mindy thanks for interviewing me even though i sprang this on you last minute)
mindy: worst interview ever
mindy: already
mindy: this is all gonna get cut

Max: Wait am I not technically paying you to interview me
Max: Is this the saddest thing in the world
Max: Nothing gets cut
Max: Everything stays
Max: Much like my friends Miguel and Zach, this interview will be uncut
mindy: nobody wants to read what is happening right now
mindy: why do you know which of your friends are circumcised
Max: Do you not
mindy: literally no
Max: Weird
mindy: it doesn’t come up
mindy: (heh)
Max: Tbh there are four of us in a group chat and somehow they already had this knowledge. I was the last to be in the chat. So they wanted to see what I was since 2 were uncut and 1 was cut. It is now an even split. The group is balanced.
Max: I hope this is what you hoped this interview would be
mindy: yeah

Max: I’m just sitting in bed petting dogs. Gabbing it up
mindy: cheers
mindy: realistically how mad do you think certain people are gonna be about this book
Max: I think there’s a chance a few people might be upset if they connect some dots. I also think there’s a greater chance for people who are not so INSIDE-BASEBALL with publishing to just be bored a bit. I hope most people are just entertained. Yeah there’s a few characters who might slightly resemble real people in horror, but as the copyright page says…any resemblances are purely coincidental, babbyyyyy.
Max: I’ve been sued once and I’ll probably be sued again.

mindy: is mister bones cut?
Max: My friend’s wife is one of those baby doctors. She told me they put all the foreskin in a box and just chuck it in the dumpster. I asked her about it. She didn’t tell me unprompted.
Max: The genitals of Mister Bones is controversial. Some say he has a huge ten feet dong. But others disagree. He doesn’t have any skin so I guess yes cut.
mindy: wait mister bones has a ten foot skinless dong? and this is not the main tidbit you are using to market this book?
mindy: do you think there’s ever been a doctor who just for shits & giggles left pieces of people (foreskins & appendixes etc) inside other people when he was in there doing surgeries just to see what would happen
Max: I am sure that’s happened on a dare before.
Max: It’s speculated he might have one yeah
mindy: speculated by whomst
Max: A character in the book named FETUS KEG USA
mindy: i regret asking!

mindy: do you on purpose wait until the deadline has passed before you start writing things or does it just end up happening that way every single time
Max: Something in my brain is diseased and I only seem to do my best writing when I am in an immense mode of panic. It worked very well for this novel because so much of the book is about a character spiraling and freaking out, so it helped that my mindset was similar to what I was trying to channel on the page.
mindy: method writing
Max: There was one day I was driving home from Oklahoma and thinking about the book and I somehow convinced myself I couldn’t continue it until I personally understood what it was like to break a bone. And I convinced myself when I got home I would break either a toe or a finger on purpose. I thought this would make for great interview talk too. To actually do this. But then I got home and fell asleep and woke up and thought lol what the fuck is wrong with me.
mindy: nothing about that information is surprising to me, actually
mindy: how often would you say you wake up and think “lol what the fuck is wrong with me” ?
mindy: i gotta imagine it’s pretty frequent

Max: To be honest I’m a little upset with myself for being such a coward about it. I should have broken a bone. My left pinky is useless anyway. I could have broken it.
mindy: it’s not too late
mindy: go do it right now
mindy: film it and we can insert the footage into the interview
mindy: it’ll be immersive
mindy: the readers will love it
Max: No, the whole point would have been to do it while writing the book, and to use the experience to guide the narrative better. It’s too late.
mindy: you would gain back the respect of your readers tho
Max: If I cared about the readers respecting me, I probably wouldn’t write about the kind of things that I do.

Max: Have you ever broken a bone?
mindy: no no broken bones here
Max: do you wanna break one
mindy: i really don’t
mindy: but thank you for asking!
Max: I wasn’t going to break one of your bones if you’d said yes, or anything. I don’t break bones
mindy: what were you going to do
mindy: encourage me to break one myself?
Max: I was just going to say… ah, I hope you achieve your dreams someday
mindy: also i bet you would fully break a bone if someone gave you permission
Max: It’s good to be supportive
mindy: oh i wouldn’t know

Max: I would never want to break someone’s bone
Max: That sounds horrific
mindy: you love horror
Max: So what?
mindy: so you’re gonna shy away from something horrific?
Max: Just because I like the Texas Chain Saw Massacre doesn’t mean I want to murder a guy in a wheelchair.
Max: That’s some Video Nasties logic
mindy: idk what that is
mindy: is this still an interview
Max: You sound like one of those angry moms in the UK trying to ban the Child’s Play movies
mindy: what else do you want me to ask you
mindy: uh excuse me i didn’t discourage any of it
mindy: i simply was noting that you were probably a coward
Max: Anyone reading this interview can clearly read where you said, verbatim, “If you like horror you must like inflicting violence on people”

mindy: no one is still reading this interview
mindy: no one is amused by this but us
Max: Oh I guess you could end it then, if you’re scared
mindy: i’m not scared
Max: you sound so scared?
Max: you’re trembling
mindy: we can keep this interview going for eternity baby
mindy: just upload it daily
Max: i don’t have to leave my house for another hour
mindy: oh
mindy: an hour
mindy: now who is the scared one

mindy: okay next question
Max: hit me
mindy: i will at ghoulfest
Max: (in the biz that means ask me the next question)
mindy: (in this chat it means i’m gonna smack you)
mindy: someone on twitter wanted to know if you’d rather have toothpaste in the butt or hemorrhoid cream in the mouth
mindy: so i feel like you should address that
Max: I don’t get why that’s even a question
Max: I don’t know what I would get out of putting hemorrhoid cream in my mouth
Max: But toothpaste in the butt seems interesting and something everybody should try?
Max: I guess I wonder if they meant just between the cheeks or like… IN the butt
Max: like are you just sticking it in and squeezing it until it’s empty? until it’s suddenly bursting out of my mouth?
mindy: i don’t think it works that way but by god you could give it a shot
mindy: also i assumed they meant like fully squeezed into the butthole
mindy: just between the cheeks would be nothing

Max: I read somewhere that all toothpaste is the same and the only difference is just the marketing of it. But there’s really no difference in quality no matter what kind you buy. I don’t know if that’s true but it feels true.
mindy: i don’t think it can be true bc some people make those bullshit organic toothpastes that are just, like, charcoal in a tube
mindy: and that just destroys your enamel
Max: You ever do the toothpaste and OJ thing?
mindy: although i do as a goth appreciate the aesthetic of a mouth full of black foam
Max: My friend Cheryl and I did once for an episode of Ghoulish. We started the podcast that way. We expected it to be awful but it was fine.
mindy: squeeze toothpaste into oj simpson’s butt?
mindy: no
mindy: never done that
mindy: did he like it?
Max: I’m not acknowledging what you said
mindy: rude???

Max: Do you think OJ was guilty?
mindy: duh
Max: I’m on the other side there
Max: OJ is innocent
Max: Not enough people are on that side but I’m one of them
mindy: you don’t think that you’re just being difficult
Max: I don’t think you can legally kill someone when the world is a simulation, is the thing
mindy: “pulling a max” as i call it
mindy: legally
Max: None of this is real
Max: Murder is fake
mindy: controversial take
mindy: if you really thought this was fake you would break your toe no problem

mindy: your silence right now is deafening
mindy: did i just win
mindy: did i just lawyer you
mindy: i won the interview
mindy: everyone go home

Max: I was getting a piece of cake but also you’re right i’m a coward
mindy: i know
mindy: i want cake
mindy: does it have good frosting
mindy: are you a frosting lover or a frosting hater
Max: it has great frosting yeah
mindy: mail me some
Max: i love a good frosting
mindy: ty hell yeah
mindy: some people are like “oh i scrape the frosting off my cake” and i’m like brother the frosting is the whole point of eating cake
Max: we got a big ass vanilla cake from costco that we’ve just been munching on all week
mindy: we should do a charity thing during ghoulfest where people can buy tickets to pie you in the face
mindy: or cake you
mindy: their choice of baked dessert

Max: there’s a HUGE chapter in the book about fruit pies
Max: but that seems like it’d be painful
Max: if it was hot
mindy: it wouldn’t be like right outta the oven
Max: there’s a chapter in the book that just kept spiraling out of control and I spent 2 weeks working on it. it’s like 7,000 words long and tbh if it was removed from the book not a lot about the story would be different but I just fell in love with it for some reason. it’s all about a doctor and his sister’s fruit pie business and how he tries to sell his patients the pies during examinations.
Max: yeah they do the examinations in his kitchen and there’s a display of free samples and his sister’s pie truck is out front
Max: he’s a legit doctor but on sundays he does pro bono work at his house. people can come and get examined there
mindy: sounds sketchy as hell
Max: this is based on a real doctor we saw once somewhere in san antonio. although the fruit pie stuff is all made up. but in real life and in this book the whole property was overrun by chickens. i recall as we were trying to leave, chickens kept trying to get into our car.
mindy: and you stopped them?
Max: i don’t like birds
Max: something about their eyes remind me of dolls
mindy: wowwww
mindy: the press is gonna have a field day with this

Max: birds have never impressed me
Max: I was in Alaska a few years back and this guy was like look at all those bald eagles and I looked up and saw a bunch and I was like “so what”
mindy: look at this edgelord
mindy: uncaring in the face of our great nation’s greatest bald bird
Max: yeah that’s right
Max: I wish they’d take those wings and fly out into freakin’ outer space
mindy: THEY WOUL DIE MAX
Max: we don’t need you, birds
mindy: THERE IS NO AIR THERE
Max: you do nothing for us
mindy: i hope there’s thousands of birds lurking outside your house next time you open the front door
Max: do you know about grackles
Max: when you visit, you’ll see a lot of those
mindy: i love a grackle
Max: they’re all over this fucking city
mindy: i have grackles in my yard right now
Max: call the cops
mindy: i would only do that if the grackles told me they had some kind of nefarious plan to humiliate the cops

mindy: can we end this fuckin thing
Max: i have like 45 minutes still
mindy: if anyone is still reading i feel like you owe them financial compensation
Max: i mean, i get it
Max: i used to be afraid of things too
Max: it’s fine if you can’t take anymore of this
mindy: i also have to be at work in an hour
Max: you’re gonna have to call off

mindy: here’s another question
mindy: who is your favorite friend slash employee and why is it mindy
mindy: excuse me
mindy: are you trying to evade my super relevant question
mindy: what the fuck
Max: well you have answered the first part of this question and the second half of this question is confidential
mindy: that’s confidential but the state of your friends’ foreskins is public knowledge
Max: well soon it will be
Max: to be fair that’s all info I gained privately
Max: they don’t have it in their twitter bios or anything
Max: cut/uncut status should go in bios right under pronouns imho
mindy: yeah duh everyone thinks that
mindy: what’s the equivalent for those of us who don’t have wieners though
mindy: do we just put n/w

mindy: anything else you want me to ask you?
Max: Whatever you’re dying to ask
mindy: i suppose do you have any genuine advice or words of wisdom for writers that are just starting out
mindy: in regard to writing itself or working with small presses etc
mindy: what good things to look for, what shitty things to watch out for, how to avoid getting fucked over
mindy: what you wish you’d known before you got into it
Max: I think maybe don’t be in a hurry to get published and settle for the first place that accepts you and overlook red flags. Don’t let presses profit from your work without them also compensating you fairly.
Max: If a press spends all of their time tweeting about how superior they are to other presses I would imagine working with them is a nightmare. So maybe avoid.
Max: Passion for the books and the authors is good. Passion for self-congratulating themselves is weird and embarrassing.
mindy: you would think that would be obvious and yet!
Max: I would also want to stress not putting too much pressure on one book. I think it’s easy for authors to get worked up and think everything rides on one book being the all or everything. Being prolific feels necessary to keep readers aware of you. But that doesn’t mean you should just pump out garbage all the time. But it does mean you shouldn’t beat yourself up if readers don’t immediately find one of your books. Building a backlog and naturally growing readers and fans is how to survive in this industry.
mindy: beautiful

mindy: final question bc i need to leave for work in a few minutes:
mindy: do you know that you are a dear friend and that i love you very much
Max: yeah
Max: IN YOUR DREAMS
Max: I think end with that
mindy: wowwww
Max: Pretty good lol
mindy: yeah you nailed it

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Buy I Believe in Mister Bones through Bookshop.org or Barnes & Noble or Amazon or get a signed copy from GHOULISH.RIP.